Bipolar with babies

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at school in the sixth form after suffering difficulties when my parents separated. My parents are now back together. To say that the time was challenging was a bit of an understatement, but I scraped through my A-levels and got a place at the University of Leicester to study Law with French Law and Language with a year in Lyon studying for a French law diploma.

I never viewed my condition as a disability - rather as a small illness allowing me to recognise my limitations while still living a happy and full life. With an IQ of 163 and a training contract with a top ten US law firm, I certainly did not let bipolar hold me back.

At the back of my mind I always knew I would need to be careful with pregnancy - a consultant did warn me that this would be a true test of how severe my condition actually was. Due to the huge amount of support from an amazingly understanding husband, parents and siblings, in-laws, close friends and superb guidance from the Havering perinatal service, we have two beautiful daughters, and we are doing well.

It doesn't mean I don't have bad days. A poor night's sleep can rapidly change an everyday situation into a scene of desperation. Baskets of washing piling up with no respite, challenging discussions with the toddler in the supermarket while the baby is kicking off, with a leaking nappy and a top covered in sick. Some of the vomit has been transferred to your shoulder, but you only realise too late that you have been walking around with a "designer stain" for most of the day. In a typically British self-deprecating fashion, I lament about how I haven't really done very much in a day, despite having gotten up, showered, dressed, dressed the two girls, fed them, done teeth, finished homework, put on a wash, prepared hubby's office coffee, fed myself, straightened up the living room, tidied away some toys, opened the morning post, put the junk into recycling... all before 9am.

A combination of the legal training, the Chinese background and the British stiff upper lip prevent me from sharing my woes on Facebook. I did start trying to share some of my moans, but was put off by the small number of likes this attracted and decided that this was probably not want my friends wanted to hear, no matter how cathartic I found it. Instead I post cute pictures of the girls, and big smiles. But as a good friend once said, on Facebook we tell lies to our friends, and on Twitter we tell the truth to strangers. Although some of this rings true, the reality is that I am the same person to all I meet. I once took an in-depth personality analysis test at work. The results were startling. The two graphs comparing my behaviour at home and at the office were close on identical. The analyst said she had never seen anything like it.

If I were to offer any advice to other mums who might be going through tough times, I would just keep it simple by saying that rest is key. If you look after yourself you can look after others so much better. You can only do your best. And even when you don't feel your best, the fact that you worry about that is proof enough that you are doing great. Everyone has their opinion on how best to do something, and we come from all walks of life with different backgrounds, cultures and experiences. We must always do what works best for us. We might make mistakes and fall down. But we sure as hell get back up again, and try and try again. Because we can. Because we care. Just because.

And we are awesome. So just tell yourself that. Every day. Because that awesome carries across to the little ones too. Because awesome breeds awesome.

Last Christmas... at Earl's Court

A jaunt to Earl's Court to visit the Ideal Home Show at Christmas courtesy of MoneySavingExpert was how Mrs Cross Senior and Mrs Cross Junior spent their Sunday. Full of hopes of returning with goodies, and strict instructions not to return with "Christmas tat" nor some dodgy and expensive drinking chocolate (or similar), we started the day with high expectations.

First stop, festive attire! What is Christmas without a jumper to celebrate the spirit of the season? Tillypop stocks unique knitted children's Christmas jumpers, dresses and pyjamas. Designer, Emma is not only a supermum entrepreneur, but also a chartered accountant (CIPFA) by day. I could not resist this Christmas pudding jumper for Baby Cross.

Another boutique with good quality childrenswear was Eeny Meenie. Owner Carla is due to open a store in Ongar. Check out her website for further updates. Eeny Meenie stocks lots of top quality brands including Petit Bateau, Bebe Baby and Jessie and James. This particular number had to come home with me for the bubs.

Family-run businesses make me feel warm and cosy, and I was filled with admiration for father-daughter team of Peter and Primrose Pease who created Angel Share. The name comes from the distillation of whiskey in which the angel's share is the part of the alcohol which evaporates as part of the process. In the same vein, 5% of the profits from the company is reinvested into microfinance loans in developing countries - the angel's share. I picked up this photo frame as my investment back into world goodness, and also because we are short of a frame or two at home.

I wanted to bring home a toy for Penelope and remembered having bought some wooden fruit that could be sliced along their velcro joints for my nieces. My description does not do the product justice! See Trade Toys for more information. The company generally supplies nurseries amd schools and came along to the show to offer the ordinary public their trade prices.

And to finish up with a quirky gadget from the Orient, I took the liberty of purchasing a tea cloud from Taste Taiwan Design. A floating white cloud to infuse your tea leaves. Stylish and clean-cut designs with practicality as a clear focus. Appealing bright colours, interesting solutions to common problems, and overall feel-good aesthetic and ethos. Thank you! A perfect end to.. no, not a perfect day. A manic one, dodging a thousand other shoppers who chose to wander among the stalls for the last time at Earl's Court. The site is due to be bulldozed to make way for what some might term progress. The next time we visit the show, the venue will transfer to Olympia. So long, and thanks for the good times.

Life is a picnic

Popped in to the Indoor Picnic boutique today and came across Anna's handmade Liberty fabric jewellery. Beautiful pieces which are versatile, making excellent gifts for friends and family alike. Or just to indulge yourself in a little treat.

The Indoor Picnic boutique is back in the original spot in the Antiques Centre on Ely Street - open Tuesday to Saturday. Do pop in and say hello to the talented Ms Barnett and enjoy browsing and buying!

Cross my palm with a silver charm...

Anna Barnett is a wonderful and talented lady, owner of Indoor Picnic. I had the pleasure of being a schoolchum of Anna's back in Shakespeare Country where Anna's boutique is located, within the Antiques Centre.

Anna not only sells vintage crockery, but she also makes her own jewellery, using silversmithing techniques by casing oddments of china in silver with stunning results, and also with her handmade Liberty fabric pieces.

The whole shop is a trove for gifts either for a little treat for yourself (and why not?) or with the season for giving just round the corner, finding that perfect present for those friends and family that are difficult to buy for. You are sure to find something to make someone smile.

Just a little kick...

Hooray for exciting new discoveries! This one came at work when an email went round the fifth floor at Thomson Reuters Towers saying that there were pots of chilli jam in the kitchen for our delectation. However, horror of horrors, I was tucked up in the dining room working on my laptop when the message came in.

Mr Cross and I are big fans of chilli jam, so I was keen to find out where this jam came from and how I might go about sampling some. Chill& is a family business, which came about as my friend's mum started making the jam for friends, who came back begging for more. This evening, I sampled the chilli and pepper jam with some pâté and toast. Simply delicious, with just the right amount of kick that gives heat without overpowering the flavour of the jam.

Jams and preserves in four flavours. Chilli and pepper jam, chilli and kiwi jam, chilli and lime marmalade and chilli and chocolate spread. Makes for a nice chilli Christmas hamper if you ask me! If you would like more information, do drop them a line through info@chilliand.co.uk.

Catch the Chilli& team at Highams Park Station farmers' market on the last Sunday of every month. In December, the team will be at the market on the last Sunday before Christmas (Sunday 21 December) so you can be sure to get a few last minute presents!

Showcasing Shottery style!

At the age of 13, Mrs Cross (then Miss J-Lu) sat in a small room in Kendrick School, Reading, taking the 13+ in the presence of her own personal invigilator for a grammar school in Shakespeare Country. About six weeks later, the famille Lu moved into Lu Towers in Shottery, walking distance from said school. Stratford Girls' Grammar is where Mrs Cross spent many happy years - funny memories include playing an elaborate game of hide and seek/treasure hunt called "Safari Man" in the Manor gardens. The balcony of the Manor is rumoured to have inspired Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

Needless to say, there is a wealth of talent to be found at Shottery, and now my intake have all hit the magic 30-year-old birthdays and beyond, I had the chance to catch up with a few of my classmates to find out how they have been getting on and developing their careers. Among the Shottery collective, there are those that have gone into fashion and style, and with some great success. This blogpost highlights three fantastic ladies of the class of 2000; they are pretty modest about their skills though, so I felt it only right to sound some fanfare about them - and justly so!

Let me first introduce Anna Barnett, who owns Indoor Picnic based in the Antiques Centre (who doesn't reminisce about the sandwich board man-about-town...). Anna opened her shop in September 2011, where she sells her own "Love Scooney" products, alongside an array of antique and vintage china, retro-style fair-trade aprons by Sterck, mid-century refurbished furniture, and other lovely homeware and gifts. Anna has also ventured into silversmithing, encasing oddments of China in silver, producing unique pieces ranging from rings, pendants, bangles, cufflinks and more.

Next on the fashion parade is Kate Hawkridge of St Martin's College fame, who is an established graphic/textile print designer, working with household names such as Debenhams, New Look, Primark, Tesco and others while also working freelance for streetwear brands. This dual aspect to her business allows Kate to balance being commerical and cost-effective in design, while also maintaining her own original and graphic style. Kate also has her own Clumsy brand, selling unique homeware and accessories designed and made in England.

And finally, drumroll please for Bethany Jane Davies, who is a vintage make-up artist and hair stylist, creating fabulous looks from the 20s to the 60s. Bethany's team are able to create bespoke retro hair and make-up looks for private and corporate events, re-enactments, weddings, film sets and photo shoots. The pop-up salon can be hired wherever authentic vintage styling is desired.














I have often wondered what it might be like to run my own business, but the scaredy-cat inside me is just one of the many barriers that prevents me from doing so. Hats off and respect with a capital R to those that are able to set up on their own and make something of it. Shottery Style girls - we salute you!

*Bethany's photographs were taken by Madame Boudoir Photography Studio

Earl's Court - the perfect recovery to a sleepless night...

The blog is back! Yet again! My excuse for the sabbatical his time is Baby Cross, moving house, and Baby Cross again. How many nappy changes does one baby girl need? The right answer is too many! Still she is a lovely little girl and the way she nearly shuts her eyes when she smiles (just like Mummy...) just melts the heart.

Baby Cross is teething, cue sleepless nights for Mummy and Daddy Cross. The best method for recovery is to park baby with Grandad Cross and escape for a day out with partner-in-crime, Granny Cross to the Ideal Home Show.

There are often lots of opportunities to obtain or win free tickets to the show so keep an eye out on the ever excellent MoneySavingExpert for these freebies. Granny Cross and I were lucky enough to partake, though it is very much a fastest finger first affair, so do act quickly.

The show is going into its final weekend, closing on Sunday 30 March, and there are deals to be had. An outing to the Ideal Home Show is bound to conclude in copious unlikely purchases. One year, I returned with an order for an electric garage door, much to the admiration of my next-door neighbour. This year, Granny Cross and I intended on being more scrupulous and discerning purchasers, though whether we succeeded in this venture or not remains to be seen.

Often, IHS is a way of meeting entrepreneurs from far and wide who are more than happy to chat and persuade you to part with your hard-earned cash. Helen Fung from Happy Dragon, (who sources all her products from China) helped me to choose a linked purple jade necklace with silver joinery and fastenings. A piece of jade jewellery is bought to celebrate and mark important landmarks in your life such as marriage and the birth of a child. And corresponding lack of sleep...

A little while later, we came across a decent chap called Dermot Barry, who sold us a beautiful merino wool throw which can be used as a luxurious baby's blanket - warm in the winter and cool in the summer. The throw combines practicality, beauty and quality. And made to last.

Thinking again of Baby Cross, I bought a handmade hat and dungarees outfit from Seesaw, which makes designer children's clothing in Kent. Lovely pieces that are reversible, and more importantly, machine-washable.

Granny Cross was having thoughts about the other grandchildren and was hoping to spruce up their room in Senior Cross Towers. Walltastic has some fantastic wall murals and sticker sets that will instantly brighten up a child's room.

I must also use this opportunity to step away from show exhibitors to highlight the great work of Carren Lu at Artistic Touch. As a client of Carren's myself, I was thrilled with her work on our wedding stationery including a hand-painted seating plan, as well as a wonderful old-fashioned style Winnie the Pooh mural for the nursery.

Back to Earl's Court, and over on the ecolightings stand, we picked up an excellent tip from Tiger Kang on washing crystal chandeliers with white vinegar. He advised that this was in preference to trying out all-singing and all-dancing crystal cleaners which often proved to be expensive and disappointing in their results.

Stopping off for an ice cream, we came across Salcombe Dairy with its delicious choice of scrumptious and sophisticated flavours. In its waffle cone, I greedily scoffed a scoop of honeycomb crunch and choc choc flake.

Needing a present for Mr Cross to get me out of trouble for a hard day's shopping, I rushed over to Val Elvis at Celtic Spirit Co to sample a 12-year-old whiskey. I myself am not a whiskey drinker - my husband has an extensive collection, but somehow I could appreciate the silky smoothness of the the tipple and merrily purchased a bottle.

Finally, the Edinburgh Natural Skincare Company do skin products in genuine Kilner jars with ingredients tested by chemists to ensure maximum efficacy. Their geranium cream was a firm favourite, so much so that one pot had to come home with me. The skin is still soft hours after application, as I can well testify.

Overall, the Ideal Home Show offers a fun day out with shopping options galore. As we boarded the tube to go home, many a happy customer joined us with bags in hand. Exhausting, yes, and maybe not the ideal antidote to a sleepless night, but a worthwhile and satisfying one all the same.